I remember in high school we had an assignment to write a bucket list. We also had to pass our list around for “encouragement” from the rest of the class. When I got my list back, someone had written “never gonna happen” next to the bullet-pointed ” Live in Brazil and work in India.”

At this time, this shattered me and I held back tears for the rest of the class.

I eventually tore that comment off the sheet, and over time, I didn’t let the statement impact my motivation. I am also happy to share that I still went on to achieve both of those dreams so suck it anonymous hater.

What has stuck with me is how isolating I felt in a room full of others vulnerable enough to share their hopes and dreams. At a time I expected connection and shared dreams (well, maybe not that one in particular), I was perplexed as to why someone would not be supportive of any of the goals shared that day, however implausible they may seem.

I am not the only one who has encountered similar sentiments when they either hope to share their excitement with others. There is also the inverse of not being able to share in the challenges of going after your dreams.

While this post is dealing specifically with feelings of loneliness, please know that even though the road to your goals is occasionally occupied by one, you are by no means alone in your pursuit of a fulfilling life.

Why going after your dreams can feel lonely

Here are a few reasons why it can feel lonely. Factors are based on both the reactions of others and the journey itself.

Jealousy

I am going to get the most uncomfortable one out of the way, but it can be a reality in many instances. If you are familiar with the crabs in a barrel theory, this one will make sense to you. As the theory goes, there is a barrel half full (or empty) of crabs, and some of the crabs will work to climb their way out of the barrel. However, they will never realize their escape because there will always be another crab or two clawing at them to bring them back down. This can be true for individuals who aim to grow from their current situation. In humans, this can show up as hometown friends not wanting to see you progress from your high school self, or a workplace that is more comfortable when everyone conforms to the culture, as toxic as it may be.

Much of the work is internal.

There are some stages of the process that you are paving a new road that no one (or few) has travelled before. It can feel like you are out in the middle of nowhere, which can not only be lonely but also feel like you are doing something wrong. The good(?) news is this means you are heading in the right direction. If you are truly doing something new and innovative, there may not be clear or easy answers, and you will need to stumble through. It can be hard to articulate what you are doing to others, which further the isolation, but remember that this is all a part of the process, and it will get better.

You will change on the way.

It can feel like everyone around you is standing in place, and you are the one making all the changes. Just as you are changeable, so are relationships. There are many transformations you go through to achieve your dreams. It is only natural that you will change in the process, and not everyone will be comfortable with that.

Support may not feel supportive.

There are times when you look for external advice or confirmation for your goals, and that validation can be hard to find. Some people cannot view your plans through your lens. They will color their perception of your life based on their experiences and current situation. If they do not do what you are doing, that is perfectly fine. But remember that when you feel discouraged by others who are unable to see your viewpoint. Just remember to always consider the source when getting such input.

Others cannot picture it.

It can feel lonely because going after what you want, what you truly want, is RARE. It takes courage to think outside of the box to build a life that you want. Some people simply cannot imagine what life would look like if they did not follow the prescribed lifestyle. The ability to think for yourself continues to be a dying art, so while it can be discouraging not to have others see your vision, take pride in the fact that you can dream up something for yourself that others are not bold enough to explore. You have to overcome other people’s limiting beliefs.

Just because some cannot picture what you are doing, it does not mean they are not proud of you. Where others may not be able to put themselves in your shoes, try to empathize with others in the fact that seeing someone go after their dreams is just as new to them as it is to you. Give people grace, and over time, they may grow to be one of your biggest cheerleaders.

How to overcome the loneliness

Some people have little or no support, which can take a toll. Finding others, either locally or online, who are on a similar journey in their lives can make it feel less lonely on your way. There are still opportunities to talk with those closest to you and help them understand why what you are working on is important and how their support would be meaningful to you.

If you are ever in doubt whether there is anyone else who supports what you are going after, know that that person is me. I truly believe anyone can achieve their dreams. Even if we never meet, just know I am a distant cheerleader, proud of anyone who makes the bold move. For everyone who decides to go after their dreams, I feel that is one more positive light in our society that is desperate for dreamers and believers.

It is never too late to start. You are never too old to learn something new. When it gets hard, you know you are going in the right direction. Just keep going and remember what is waiting for you on the other side.

All this may seem easier said than done. If you are looking for more information on how to take the first steps, I am here to help!

If you want, let’s chat.

In the meantime, remember to congratulate yourself for going after what you want. With every new thing you learn, with every positive thought towards making your goals a reality, you are well on your way to living the life that you deserve!